Ten Things To Know About Brian Kinney
by AlwaysSharp
Summary: Michael lets Justin in on a few secrets. Season one.


_Hey, Justin. _

_I guess it's weird that I put a letter in the desk in my own bedroom, but it's yours for now. The bedroom, that is. Don't bring tricks home to it, please. _

_Anyway, I was talking to Brian earlier, which probably doesn't surprise you. He was talking about you, which is a first for him – he doesn't normally talk about tricks. Then again, he's never let a trick stay over, or name his kid, or stick around for longer than a night. So I guess you're something different. And that's why I'm writing this. _

_There's a lot to Brian nobody really knows except me. Not because I'm really smart and can see through him, but because I've been around him since we were kids, and I pretty much know him inside out by now. I'm not going to tell you how to deal with him or how to handle your "relationship," if that's what you're calling it, because it's not my business. I'm just going to tell you a few things you should know about him. Brian. _

_First of all, he doesn't lie. I know you're going to think that's bullshit, but he really doesn't. Not about things that matter – not about anything. If he tells you something, he means it. So he's not going to say "I love you," and don't expect it of him. _

_You should know that when he says he doesn't believe in love, he's only half-right. I know him well enough to know that he does love people. He just doesn't believe in romantic love. Dates and sugary-sweet words and stuff like that. But when it comes to the way he feels about Gus, that's love, even if he doesn't know it or won't admit it. _

_You've probably guessed by now that he grew up in a shitty home. That's true, but there's more to it than he's willing to talk about openly. His mom was really religious and followed gender roles to an extreme. She didn't say one word against her husband, but spoke out about just about everyone else. Brian grew up with his mom talking shit about gays and Jews and everything else that wasn't __them__. And his dad beat him. _

_Brian seems like an unstoppable god to you. I know, because he seems that way to everyone at first, and whether or not that impression goes away depends on who you are. But even though he appears that way, he isn't. He has his weaknesses and his vices, and that's why he smokes and drinks and does drugs and fucks everything that moves. It's not because he's an asshole – it's because he needs something constant._

_If you betray him, he's not going to hate you. He's prepared himself for betrayal. So he won't go after you or do shit to you because of it, because he's more mature than that, and he's been telling himself that he'll be betrayed by people ever since his dad hit him for the first time. It's awful, but it's how he is. _

_You're not the first relationship he's had. Nobody else knows about it except for Lindsay and me. When Brian was in college, he had a boyfriend and he was in love. The boy – I don't remember his name – was this big stud on campus. He would always go on these romantic dates with Brian. Out to fancy restaurants, his sister's wedding, even abroad. Then Brian found out he was seeing people behind his back. Not casual Babylon fucks – a real relationship. It killed him._

_I don't know how long you'll be around, but if you do stay long, you'll need to know that for the people he loves, he'll do anything to make them happy and keep them safe. Right now, I think that's me and Gus and maybe Lindsay. If you're one of the lucky few one day, just know what he's willing to sacrifice, even if he says he's not. _

_His heart is easily broken. Lindsay explained it best. Once, his heart was intact, just like everyone else's. Then a bunch of assholes like his dad and that guy in college came along and shattered it. So he had to put himself back together, and he did, but for every piece he put back in, two pieces were knocked out again. Over time, he fixed himself, but not very well. He's still missing a few pieces, and he's really fragile. _

_He has more gay pride than he shows. He doesn't do marches or rallies or vigilante justice or any of that shit, but he is the most comfortable person with his sexuality that I have ever met. Even more than Emmett. I mean, come on. You know the story about him and the gym teacher. What fourteen-year-old would do that?_

_The last thing is that he would never leave you. Ever. It's different with tricks, because the relationship is assumed. He fucks him, they both come, and the trick leaves. But with friends, Brian is different. He knows how good he has it to have the friends he does, people who care about him, and he insults us all he wants, but really, it's his way of saying thanks. That he loves us. I don't know shit about your relationship with him, but if it's anything like the way I think it is, he won't leave you. If he wants you gone, he'll tell you that straight out, but you'll be the one who leaves. Because it's always going to be his world that you entered, not your world that __he__ came into. He might push you out, but he's not going anywhere. _

_I know this seems really over-dramatic, but I don't want to see Brian hurt, and I want to make sure you know what you're getting into. You don't have to listen to me, but at least understand what Brian is about. _

_Michael _

Justin lets the letter slip through his fingers. "Thanks," he murmurs, folding it up and slipping it into the drawer.


End file.
